JOURNAL ENTRY #2: WHAT SHOULD I DO?

"What should I do?". Every teacher at one point in their career has experienced a situation where they don't know what to do or how to react to a specific situation while being consistent with their moral values and their school expectations. I have been there. It was not a matter of life and death as I have less than a year of working experience, but it was still one of the first situations when I genuinely didn't know what to do after I had promised myself since way before I started my major that if I ever got the chance to be a teacher, I would be the fairest, coolest, most understanding of all. Well, it isn't as easy as I thought. 

This starts about a year ago in a private college where I started to work as a substitute. I had been there for a few months and the period was about to end. I was in charge of one small group, which I would say was not the most gifted in regards to English, but they did nicely most of the times. Despite the difficulties, I saw a good proportion of the class willing to participate and improve. Among them, there was a guy that we'll call "Anthony". He, aware of his situation, was always taking chances in class raising his hand with uncertainty and constantly asking every question that came to his mind about the subject. That curiosity made him improve greatly and I could notice that reflected in his grades. Everything was fine until the final week of the period came. All students (as this was part of the school rules) were to present orally a project combining all the subjects in front of the principal and teaching staff about everything they had learned during those four months, including the English subject. I was very excited to see what happened as that was my first time in the event and also, I knew that my class really made an effort so I just wanted to see the culmination of all our hard work. Surprisingly, half of my students that had improved greatly in front of my eyes during those months did terrible in their English oral performance. However, I held out hope and fortunately I got to witness some presentations where some of them unexpectedly amazed me (in a good way). It was Anthony's turn and I was sure that he wouldn't let me down as he worked so hard during the course. On the contrary, he started his presentation with a bad joke, got very nervous through the whole performance and it seemed like he forgot to rehearse. I was really disappointed and I assigned him a 5 out of 10, which was sort of painful for me as I saw a good student in him from day one. After the presentations, Anthony, with his mom and girlfriend waiting for him in the back, came and asked me about his performance. I told him how displeased I was and he apologized saying that he had a family issue going on that didn't let his performance be as good as he wanted it to be. As well, he also mentioned that he wanted to talk to me in private because I was the only teacher that assigned him a failing grade, which meant that his scholarship to stay in the institution would be rejected for the next period and he wouldn't be allowed to continue the major. In a nutshell, he was asking me to change his grade to 6, promising me he would get better for the next period. That was my big dilemma moment. I told him that I had to think about it and during the following two hours I couldn't stop spinning around in my head. I consulted many of my colleagues. I was very indecisive. He had a long time to prepare this project, however, I knew how hard he had worked to get there with his English and it seemed a bit unfair that a bad day defined his whole academic future. 

Eventually, after a long wait, I went to him and told him I would change the grade only if he promised to get more responsible with school, also asking him to bear in mind that I was being very flexible for only that special occasion and not every teacher was like that so he had to get his (academic) life together or otherwise he would miss a big opportunity to have a career and a better quality of life. He agreed, gratefully shook my hand and told me that I wouldn't regret my decision. Right after he left, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. 

At the end of the day, I think it is important for us as teachers to understand that we were also students once and that our mission, way beyond being tough on them, is to make them feel capable and comfortable in the classroom rather than worthless and fearful, which I think is still one of the biggest lacks of many teachers nowadays. Discipline is important for sure, but even though I think it sometimes affects this objective vision that we are supposed to have with students, I reckon empathy and respect have to be some of the prevailing values in the classroom, of course, without neglecting the aspects of responsibility and hard work.